My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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