dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
