You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
