Your dad touched me again.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
