the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
