How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize