So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
