I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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