yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
