I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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