Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
