I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want nice things and good sex
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
