I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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