She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
