Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
