So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
