You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
