my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize