I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
