My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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