Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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