I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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