I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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