I puked a lego.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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