do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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