Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize