this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
