So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
