My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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