I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i was born a porn star she said
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He felt like a one man threesome
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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