i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
