I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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