Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
