i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
