happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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