just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
