So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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