well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
