I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
