Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
