just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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