actually, I'm a sock model
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
