Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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