I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
