Nicole vs. Life
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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