i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I lost the right to judge tonight
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize