The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize