she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
