Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
