You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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