Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I supernannyed him into submission
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize