i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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