When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
