So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize