Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
