My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
