I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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