It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think I sprained my soul last night
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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