just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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