Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
