If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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