So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize