I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
