Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
