I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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