so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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