This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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