Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
