I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
