We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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