i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
