i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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