I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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