If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
