If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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