how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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