A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
