I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
