Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
no you cant smoke seaweed
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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