i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
