I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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