Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
