I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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