You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
These tits shall not be calmed
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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