i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Congratulations! We have a period
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