you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
