He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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