Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize