i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
