He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
