Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
