I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
