I have demons in me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize