No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
