dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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