The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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