Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
