I'm gonna have a badass scar
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
