I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
