i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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