so explain again why im purple
no
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
