I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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