It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
