On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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