oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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