Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
