I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's blow job season.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm like, not good at living.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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