you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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