I should be sponsored by Trojan
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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