Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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