I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
