Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
