aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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