just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
