The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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